The Art of Active Listening: How to Hear What’s Below the Surface
Active Listening is not the same as hearing. We hear sounds such as music, nature, etc.
Active listening is defined as listening with a purpose. The purpose could be the content, the presenter, participant responses, etc.
It is also defined as listening and responding to another person that improves mutual understanding.
Being an Active Listener means you…
Are prepared to listen, you’re focused on the speaker, they have your undivided attention, no distractions (environmental, internal-body, or mental).
Acknowledge the message by appropriate responses with body language, gestures, smiles, etc., both non-verbal and verbal.
Provide appropriate feedback by listening, interpreting, and delivering responses accurately. Paraphrase as necessary for clarification.
Avoid being judgmental by listening closely and accepting what’s shared. Putting the information in context later, after additional information is provided.
Hearing What’s Below the Surface requires listening, somewhat critically, to what is being said to you, as well as what is not said. What is not said requires additional attention or thought. The intent may be to make a point, simply to push back, or provide obstacles to negatively impact your presentation.
Being an Active Listener means you can understand, discern what is meant, based on the responses you receive.
Verbal ‘push backs’ may appear as offers to help meaning they’re trying to provide advice or sparring with you to show their disagreement. The intent is to bring attention to themselves.
Efforts to derail or filter your content may be to change the subject or share unrelated thoughts. People like sharing thoughts they have nurtured even when they’re unrelated to the topic.
Sometimes pushback begins with mental activities which may be judging or involve biases which distort the facts. Maybe the individual feels they know what you’re going to say so they engage in half-listening. Regardless of what you actually say, they feel they’re right in knowing what they thought you were going to say.
Then there’s the pushback of association. Here the individual engages in comparisons between you and others. It’s not likely you’ll come out on top. They may also identify with your story and use it as a transition to take over sharing their own story.
Active Listening is an Art. All aspects of listening come into play as the word active is engaged. Whether we’re listening to others in social non-threatening interactions, or debating to make a point, active listening has two distinct parts. Listening to what is said to us and listening to the real, unspoken message. Developing skills as an Active Listener provides the foundation for any successful career.
